happy birthday emerson

an image of a star, december 21, 2005


My dearest friend,

I hope that today was a good day for you. I hope that the day brought you as much joy as you bring me, your mother, your father, your sister, and all of the other people who know you. When we talk, which is often (smile), I so rarely say how much I appreciate your candor. Though I must admit, sometimes, I want to yell at you, scream at you, hang up on you--because you force to me to look at myself, really look at myself, my actions, my way of thinking. That's how I know that I love you and that you are truly family. I only want to do those things to my mother and sister.

I am at a loss to express to you how much your friendship means to me, what a strong influence you have on everyone around you, the magnitude of the gifts that G-d has bestowed on you. You are an extremely bright and intelligent woman. The way you see the world is fascinating, often colorful, necessary to changing the world in such a prolific way. You are never far from laughter and you always let me borrow your shoulder, nevermind if I soak it with my tears or scratch the hell out of it in anger. You share yourself with me--the heart of who you are and I thank you for that, sincerely. I want you to know that I never want to take advantage of that trust or pervert it in any way. I believe that we are connected you and I. We share something that is so rare between friends and often family. I thank G-d for that. When I was little, I used to pray for a really good friend, a black girl like me. Not sure how to articulate it then, but I knew I wanted a friend who was full of life, who was caring, who was racially conscious, who liked much of the same things I did without being a clone or boring for that matter, someone who would give my shit back to me when i needed it, someone who would intuitively sense when my burdens had become too much and want to take my load. You've been that for me and I thank you. Friend seems so inadequate. You are more than that, better than that, bigger than that, more encompassing than that.

I take this time to thank you for all of the times you bailed my ass--drunk or sober--out of some harrowing situations, especially when other people turned a blind eye to my destructive behaviors. I am not trying to be mushy, but I want to express the depth of my sincere appreciation for your presence in my life. I don't know what I did, I don't know the words that I said, I wouldn't know how to replicate those words, thoughts and deeds that prompted G-d to bless me with such a remarkable, phenomenal, genuine, understanding soul sister.

Know that you deserve the best. You are a beautiful soul that deserves respect, love, and devotion. Promise me that you will never accept less. Promise me that you will only accept those in your life who love you more than I and your family do. Promise me. You mustn't anything or anyone mar you in any way--especially the little girl in you that is always wondering if you are good enough, if you are worthy enough, if you deserve life's best things. In the words of the modern-day prophet Common (yeah, you didn't think I was going to use such a worthy prophet, did you?), "It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine..." (excerpted from "The Light"). Remember that. Please. You are a bright beacon of light, an orb of warmth--if there are those who cannot recognize that, I am utterly sorry for them. But don't delay your train, don't slow your plane, don't ever, ever darken your star to allow someone else to shine. You only deserve only the best. I am praying that for you today and everyday. You are my friend and my soul sister. Be blessed this day and always. I love you, em (insert real nickname here, smile).

Welcome to the rest of you life--we're all cheering you on.

Joyfully, respectfully, and graciously,
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