I got it!

you know, no one is really in control of my life but me. i realized that today. i've made my decision. i'm walking away from this bad experience. that doesn't make me a bad person, it makes me wise. i feel so empowered. no one can live my life for me, but me. i am so in control. so, i had a little bourbon tonight. as i walked around my complex, i realized that the streetlight had never looked any greener than what i saw tonight. it's not so much the bourbon as my realization that I am in control of my life--no else, just me. i can do this. i can have the type of life that i want and it can be so much more than the experience that i've had thus far. i guess the beauty of being a Christian is knowing that everyone gets his or her just desserts. that's scary if you ask me. i've been really surly these last few days. i think it's because i've been coming to this decision. i am walking away. not because i've been beaten down. but, rather, quite the opposite. i'm leaving because i refuse to be beaten. i can face whatever is to come. i can face it because it is my destiny. it is my future, what i accept, what i want to be. i am so utterly excited to embrace my life. i think more than anyone could ever know. i'm in control. no one else. just me. i am all. i am it. God, they just don't know. four years, possibly less and i am living the life i was meant to live. this is the best thing that could ever happen to me. i feel like i am finally waking up from a bad dream. i welcome nirvana. this is it. this is my life. it is mine for the taking.

consider me a thief.